Depression Recovery

Question:

> I appreciate the concern and warmth exhibited by the majority of the > posts during this most recent difficult time. > Again, thank you for your concern.  This most recent "crash" has caused > me to believe that this illness is real, chronic & very long lasting > and that I must plan accordingly.  In other words, planning upon > recovery and returning to life as it was 13 years ago (before bipolar > cursed me) is VERY unrealistic.

My brother shot himself. Don’t do it. The rest of the family takes it very hard. He probably saved my life when I saw what it did to me, my brother and my folks. If there is nothing wrong with you life won’t be like it was 13 years ago. Go get help they may not have a cure but they can make it a lot better. I wish there was a pill that would hold me steady at about 5/8’s manic:^} — Gordon    W5RED www.couger.com/gcouger "You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take."   – Wayne Gretzky

Response:

Well, I made it through another 24 hours!  I didn’t post this earlier since my ISP/cable modem has been on the fritz.  (I finally gave up and dialed in.) I appreciate the concern and warmth exhibited by the majority of the posts during this most recent difficult time. I found it interesting that at least one party believes that no-one ever feels suicidal!  I guess that it is difficult for him/her/it to understand the 20% of bipolar who supposedly "blow their brains out", "slit their wrists", "consume poison", etc.  (That is only the 20% who succeed.)  I have tried at least 3 times.  One time I spent 2 days in intensive care.  But, since suicidal ideation doesn’t exist, I wasn’t really there!  I guess the tube up my male member was someone’s idea of a good joke (when I finally awoke). Again, thank you for your concern.  This most recent "crash" has caused me to believe that this illness is real, chronic & very long lasting and that I must plan accordingly.  In other words, planning upon recovery and returning to life as it was 13 years ago (before bipolar cursed me) is VERY unrealistic. Before you buy.

Response:

Dear worn_out, Please call 911…you sound very desperate. I am concerned for you as we all are. Lose the guns now…turn them over to the police. Get rid of all the ammunition. I was tempted as you are now. Tody I am graetful I didn’ kill myself. You are not gutless as it takes a lot of courage to live. You CAN do it. I am sending you much positive energy. Peace, Lynda – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> The gutless wonder here: > I have checked out and loaded all of my handguns: > snipped…

Response:

worn_out, can you come into the bipolar cafe and talk with us there now please, we have  been there before and I think we can help, but you have to come in and talk to us. you can get there via the net if you don’t have MIRC, go to www.dreamwave.or/bipolarcafe  and click on talke now!! Please come in – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->The gutless wonder here: >I have checked out and loaded all of my handguns: >One is a Rossi .22 cal side by side twin barrel breakdown with exposed >hammers. >One is a Charter Arms .38 Special 5-shot revolver loaded with >cartridges with dark blue hollow point bullets.  Could these be teflon >coated? >One is an Iver Johnson .32 nickle 6-shot revolver with damaged action. >It shoots but sprays lead fragments all around. >One is a 7.65mm (.32 cal) JUAN EXPERANZAY PEDRO UNCETA-GURRNICA >(ESPANA) semi-automatic w/7-shot mismatched clip (which is not 100% >reliable). >I know I don’t have the guts to do anything, but the pistols are now >ready (just in case I have the guts). >Before you buy.

Response:

Don’t do this.  Anything like that is worse than life itself.  REally, it will get better and suicide is not an answer.  Get help for yourself. You’re definitely worth it.  And life will get better, especially when you reach for the help.  It doesn’t solve anything… Take Care, Kim – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >The gutless wonder here: >I have checked out and loaded all of my handguns: >snipped

Response:

Dear friend:  I know the feeling and have lived with it for 30 years, with my mothers depression and her loaded guns ready.  She and I both have manic depression.   I never loaded a gun, got prof help and am in recovery after several suicide attempts. On Palm Sunday, she shot herself in the heart while my father was closeby. His guilt is unbearable. They live in Florida, two daughters, including me, up north are devasted in terrible pain and will be.  My father is alone and suffering horrible.        We dont stop crying. You have the courage to control your impulses, because you are very smart, NOT gutless.  Please seek the first step for help with a friend, doctor, hotline or therapist ASAP.  You have already started your recovery by posting here.   Their IS life ahead, I have worked it and fought it and WILL continue. I know you can too.  My thoughts will be with you always.  Our team together,  Ann

Response:

: Well, I made it through another 24 hours!  I didn’t post this earlier : since my ISP/cable modem has been on the fritz.  (I finally gave up and : dialed in.) : : I appreciate the concern and warmth exhibited by the majority of the : posts during this most recent difficult time. : : I found it interesting that at least one party believes that no-one : ever feels suicidal!  I guess that it is difficult for him/her/it to : understand the 20% of bipolar who supposedly "blow their brains : out", "slit their wrists", "consume poison", etc.  (That is only the : 20% who succeed.)  I have tried at least 3 times.  One time I spent 2 : days in intensive care.  But, since suicidal ideation doesn’t exist, I : wasn’t really there!  I guess the tube up my male member was someone’s : idea of a good joke (when I finally awoke). : : Again, thank you for your concern.  This most recent "crash" has caused : me to believe that this illness is real, chronic & very long lasting : and that I must plan accordingly.  In other words, planning upon : recovery and returning to life as it was 13 years ago (before bipolar : cursed me) is VERY unrealistic. :

: I am so happy for you at this change in mood from yesterdays posts.  Tomorrow  really is another day and a good opportunity to dispose of the firearms and get more closely linked with your medical providers, these moods return as you  are aware.  Glad, no; really glad that you were strong enough to resist the irrestible and return to say that you made it again, you are strong, not gutless.

Response:

: The gutless wonder here: : : I have checked out and loaded all of my handguns: : : One is a Rossi .22 cal side by side twin barrel breakdown with exposed : hammers. : : One is a Charter Arms .38 Special 5-shot revolver loaded with : cartridges with dark blue hollow point bullets.  Could these be teflon : coated? : : One is an Iver Johnson .32 nickle 6-shot revolver with damaged action. : It shoots but sprays lead fragments all around. : : One is a 7.65mm (.32 cal) JUAN EXPERANZAY PEDRO UNCETA-GURRNICA : (ESPANA) semi-automatic w/7-shot mismatched clip (which is not 100% : reliable). : : I know I don’t have the guts to do anything, but the pistols are now : ready (just in case I have the guts).

Worn_out, there are some people sick enough to urge you on with a suicide attempt.  I am not that sick, and because I am not, I can say to you with the greatest of confidence:"things never get bad enough for you to take your life"  You are tempting fate in a dangerous way with the firearms, by your own admission some of them are junk, the .38 and the .22 derringer seem to be the only serviceable pistols you have.  They are capable of doing the job, but the .22 is a little iffy, you could just wind up a vegetable,    So that leaves the .38.  Do yourself and any family you may have a favor, turn your artillery over to a trusted friend, or better yet to your local police for disposal. I have been through the armed and ready trip, not thinking suicide; or was I.  May have been thinking worse.  Part of my stash was confiscated, and the remainder I surrendered voluntarily when I came to my senses. I preferred long guns .270, .22 semi ruger, 12 gauge short barrel pump.  Really intended for hunting, burglar banging and recreation, but there was always the chance for misuse by an unstable person, me. As a person that is proven to be unstable at times, I cannot be trusted with firearms.  I accept this, though it isn’t easy. Oh, the: "nothing is ever bad enough to do this", was an ambulance medic comforting me on my trip away from a failed suicide. He was right.  Maybe you can pass this on some day.  Take care. Vern : : :

Response:

The gutless wonder here: I have checked out and loaded all of my handguns: One is a Rossi .22 cal side by side twin barrel breakdown with exposed hammers. One is a Charter Arms .38 Special 5-shot revolver loaded with cartridges with dark blue hollow point bullets.  Could these be teflon coated? One is an Iver Johnson .32 nickle 6-shot revolver with damaged action. It shoots but sprays lead fragments all around. One is a 7.65mm (.32 cal) JUAN EXPERANZAY PEDRO UNCETA-GURRNICA (ESPANA) semi-automatic w/7-shot mismatched clip (which is not 100% reliable). I know I don’t have the guts to do anything, but the pistols are now ready (just in case I have the guts). Before you buy.

Response:

You have the guts to live.  You just don’t believe it. Slowly, slowly, slowly you can allow yourself to believe it. You don’t have to let it happen all at once. MS – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >The gutless wonder here: >I have checked out and loaded all of my handguns: >One is a Rossi .22 cal side by side twin barrel breakdown with exposed >hammers. >One is a Charter Arms .38 Special 5-shot revolver loaded with >cartridges with dark blue hollow point bullets.  Could these be teflon >coated? >One is an Iver Johnson .32 nickle 6-shot revolver with damaged action. >It shoots but sprays lead fragments all around. >One is a 7.65mm (.32 cal) JUAN EXPERANZAY PEDRO UNCETA-GURRNICA >(ESPANA) semi-automatic w/7-shot mismatched clip (which is not 100% >reliable). >I know I don’t have the guts to do anything, but the pistols are now >ready (just in case I have the guts). >Before you buy.

Response: