Depression Recovery

Question:

As of ToDay you as parents have your hands full.It is so bad to think everyday that your kid goes to school and might not come home.What has this world come to.Can we even go out our front door.This is very Sad And Sick world…                    Thanks

Response:

:As of ToDay you as parents have your hands full.It is so bad to think :everyday that your kid goes to school and might not come home.What has :this world come to.Can we even go out our front door.This is very Sad :And Sick world… : :                   Thanks Thanks for what? Am I the only one who doesn’t get *the point* here? Chris: Do you want to add what you’re talking about? Oh, yeah, find the space bar, and learn where capitalization belongs while you’re at it.

Response:

Yea your the only one — Angie(Nick 11yrs, Sarhea 6yrs, & Kaitlynn(bugg)8mths)

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >:As of ToDay you as parents have your hands full.It is so bad to think >:everyday that your kid goes to school and might not come home.What has >:this world come to.Can we even go out our front door.This is very Sad >:And Sick world… >: >:                   Thanks >Thanks for what? Am I the only one who doesn’t get *the point* here? >Chris: >Do you want to add what you’re talking about? Oh, yeah, find the space >bar, and learn where capitalization belongs while you’re at it.

Response:

>:As of ToDay you as parents have your hands full.It is so bad to think >:everyday that your kid goes to school and might not come home.What has >:this world come to.Can we even go out our front door.This is very Sad >:And Sick world… >: >:                   Thanks

As of today, I, as a parent, also have my heart full.  It is so good to think that my child can go to school and have caring teachers to educate her.  This world has come to a place where my girl can do science and math and feel great and powerful.  This can be a sad and sick world if I let it… I refuse to!  My heart is full of joy and I love being a parent in a world where my kids have access to modern health care, good nutritious food, a stimulating environment, and parents who work hard to keep those things available.

Response:

>As of today, I, as a parent, also have my heart full.  It is so good to >think that my child can go to school and have caring teachers to educate >her.  This world has come to a place where my girl can do science and math >and feel great and powerful.  This can be a sad and sick world if I let >it… I refuse to!  My heart is full of joy and I love being a parent in a >world where my kids have access to modern health care, good nutritious food, >a stimulating environment, and parents who work hard to keep those things >available.

Thank you for putting things into perspective…it is easy to get off the track at times.  Take care. Debra

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– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->:As of ToDay you as parents have your hands full.It is so bad to think >:everyday that your kid goes to school and might not come home.What has >:this world come to.Can we even go out our front door.This is very Sad >:And Sick world… >: >:                   Thanks > As of today, I, as a parent, also have my heart full.  It is so good to > think that my child can go to school and have caring teachers to educate > her.  This world has come to a place where my girl can do science and math > and feel great and powerful.  This can be a sad and sick world if I let > it… I refuse to!  My heart is full of joy and I love being a parent in a > world where my kids have access to modern health care, good nutritious food, > a stimulating environment, and parents who work hard to keep those things > available.

Good post.  People who think their kids are at such risk today should stroll through a colonial cemetary sometime and see the half dozen infants per family stretched out in rows — b june 1 1785 d june 12 1785; b may 4 1786 d July 8 1786; b april 12 1784 d june 9 1795 etc etc etc Even our grandparents could routinely expect to lose a few to scarlet fever, pneumonia, TB, infant diarrhea etc etc. And as you also point out, while the world is more complicated today for our daughters, at least they are not still firmly second class citizens or chattel as we were even in my childhood and adolescence. k

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I totally agree and don’t know if the world will ever be safe enough for our little angels. But we grew up in it, and adapted, so lets just keep our fingers crossed for the crime to disappear and keep happy thoughts for all the good things happening in the world. I am sure we can all think of just one thing. Here is mine: One good thing happening in the world is that I have a beautiful son and wonderful husband who are here with me right now.

Response:

My father too denied that my mother was sick. "Always complaining about something…getting squirrley…"  Sure she had been in mental hospitals and out again….but in the fifties and sixties there was denial….because who wants to admit that their wife is "crazy"…..not he. And so he did the best he could with what he had….."emotionally"  which was little….it is very painful to see your spouse in pain….so he drank…and stayed away from home and she drank and died at 36.     My father remarried and at my stepmothers insisitence..(I think) They took me in for evaluation….because I was not acting right. When they told my parents minimal brain dysfunction….they chose to ignore my problems too….because who likes to think of their daughter as "retarded"….it must have been very scary for them…and so they kept it quiet and pretended like nothing was wrong….they did the best they could with what they had….they denied and they drank…..and so that was how they dealt with most of their problems and the problems of their kids….This was not the era of touchy feely….lets boost my childs self esteem….or spend quality time with them….it was give them food and shelter and a swift kick if they get out of line….because that is all their parents gave them….       My stepmother says  the day she laid on the bathroom floor trying to get the spiders from crawling on her….was when she took her last drink….I was seventeen when my parents both joined AA but that was only after my father tried to drink himself to death one weekend…..and was unsuccessful…..he came home and the man was as yellow as a banana….the whites of his eyes were yellow..      They went to that first AA meeting and cried…..Twenty years later…they are still sober….and they are not the people they were Back then they did the best they could with what they had….. Right now…they do the best they can with what they have…. that is all anyone can do…. I guess I am one of the lucky ones….my parents worked their asses off to get better….to get a clear head…just to see what legacy of denial was left for their kids….it must be very painful to realise how your behavior has impacted on your kids: divorce, drug abuse, depression, alcholism, denial denial denial….. on top of that my dad has been struggling with Parkinson’s Disease for 13 years All their hard one sobriiety is used to cope with that  and the dysfunctions of their children….      Life is shitty and life is so hard..and not fair at all  yet they go on..      I am so lucky to have parents in recovery…they have been a source of wisdom and support and will continue to be during this trying time in my life..  My stepmother whom I clashed with for so many years….has become my best friend and my greatest champion….and I hope I have become hers…. Sometimes miracles do happen…one day at a time. Christine Wrdmystris Recreate Yourself To Thine Ownself Be True

Response:

I have told you all about my parents before…. well I know they may sound unbelievable to you.. and to me.. denying me a life… denying me mental health.. etc… Well I talked to a person online.. (not from a support group but a friend) who actually helped me to understand what their "deal is" AND IT MAKES SENSE!!

Amanda, I told you that I wanted to ask about your parents to try and find a way of getting through to them.  Thank you for answering so openly.  Now, you know this, but I need to say it to you.  Your parents are projecting their own inadequacies on to you. Their theory goes:  " Things aren’t bad for you."  They are the ones who have had it bad  …. they had a kid they didn’t want, they had their youth stolen, they are the ones who had it hard.  Oh, and this kid she’s smart, attractive … yeah, she’s out running around, being wild, doing everything.  How dare she have a life, we couldn’t. They were the ones who at a younger age than you are now, were out doing the very things they accuse you of doing.  You have already, by shear age, passed them by. You haven’t gotten pregnant.  You are continuing on with a life, they had to give up.  They hate because you represent their loss.  They expected you to make them happy.  They were wrong to expect this, much less require it of you.  They hate for every reason that has nothing to do with you, but what you represent.  What they lack.  Their inadequacy! You are not this image they have of you. They are not even seeing you for the person you are.  They don’t know you. They have not cared to try. Amanda,  I think it would be a great undertaking to get through to your parents, I do not know if its possible. I don’t feel its worth the sacrifice.  You are worth more than that; more than them. Its hard to say, " Quit trying " when it comes to ones parents. Sometimes you must, to save yourself.  Their hate will drain you, unless you can separate from it  … I do not mean physically, I mean separate emotionally.  Write soon, and let me know what you think.   that’s what she wrote… it makes so much sense I thought I’d share it…

Amanda

Response:

Amanda- That all sounds very right to me too.  I could never understand how my parents could ignore my suicide attempt at 15.  They were too wrapped up in their own problems to even try to do anything about me.  I did separate partially from them emotionally then, and completely now. They will drain what life you have from you.  They’ve messed up their own lives beyond almost any hope of fixing things.  You know what is wrong and you are still young.  You’ve got a great chance if you can block your parents out of your mind as best as you can. Kimberly

Response:

> Amanda- > That all sounds very right to me too.  I could never understand how my > parents could ignore my suicide attempt at 15.  They were too wrapped > up in their own problems to even try to do anything about me.  I did > separate partially from them emotionally then, and completely now. > They will drain what life you have from you.  They’ve messed up their > own lives beyond almost any hope of fixing things.  You know what is > wrong and you are still young.  You’ve got a great chance if you can > block your parents out of your mind as best as you can. > Kimberly

WHOA!!!! Geez, Kimberly, it is like you were speaking for ME!!! Oh- BTW- I just came to lurk on this group today- my mom was diagnosed MD back in the 60’s-70’s.  She eventually died due to complications of alcohol abuse in 1983 (I was 12).  I came here wondering what the face of MD is like today and what is being done for it.  I firmly believe that if she were around today, her disease would not have been fatal. Anyhow- your description of family life is one I can relate too- even the sucide attempt at 15! (and the one at 13…etc).  My father and my stepmother (to whom he was married when my mom died) still don’t have it together.  I try to separate myself from them as much as possible. Luckily my hubby is in the Army and we tend to live far far away!! Jocelyn

Response:

(Creature of the Night) writes: >Amanda-

That all sounds very right to me too.  I could never understand how >my

parents could ignore my suicide attempt at 15.  They were too wrapped up >in their own problems to even try to do anything about me.  I did separate >partially from them emotionally then, and completely now. They will drain >what life you have from you.  They’ve messed up their

own lives beyond almost >any hope of fixing things.  You know what is

wrong and you are still young. >You’ve got a great chance if you can

block your parents out of your mind as >best as you can.

Kimberly>> Kimberly… You and I must be on the same wavelength tonight…I keep agreeing with everything you say. This is just my opinion, but when one has a mental illness, especially one like manic-depression that is biologically based, parents will react in one of 2 ways.  They are either very compassionate and supportive, or they go into complete denial. Amanda, you are still very young and have the great opportunity to just detach from what your parents say/do.  It is hard to put into practice, but it is something that needs to be done.   When I was diagnosed at age 31, my parents went into complete denial.  It didn’t matter that my grandfather was bipolar, or that my father had been treated for depression (and is an undiagnosed bipolar…JMO).  They thought they could make it alright by me coming home so they could take care of me…read: my husband was doing something wrong.  After about a year and a half, they seemed more compassionate, and I started opening up to them more.  I thought they were beginning to understand me.  When I called my mom the other day to tell her that my husband and I were reconciling, she laid into me and said that all of my problems are caused my all of the *dangerous* psychiatric drugs that I take.  I told her that I need my meds just as much as she needs hers for her high blood pressure, and did a swift ba-bye.  I won’t be calling her anytime soon. I guess what I am trying to say is that whatever causes un-needed stress upon you whether it be your parents or whatever, you should definitely distance yourself from it. Marette

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