Depression Recovery

Question:

Enjoyed your post-surgery update.  It proved to me that my first observations were correct. Glad you are coming out of the funk.  Things will get better as you get through this process and settle down to a routine. Earl (U)

Response:

I think there were some elements that were/are contributing to the difficulty of my recovery. First, I had severe adrenal crisis because my doctors had me stop taking prednisone too rapidly. So then they UPPED the dosage back to 40mg/day! Since then, I have been depressed and weepy, and experiencing panic attacks. That’s the prednisone doing its magic. This frustrated me — dependence on prednisone was one of the deciding factors behind my surgery! I didn’t want to take this stuff anymore, and now here I am, taking tons of it. So the prednisone messed with my mind, and made me more anxious and pessimistic than I normally would be. It is contributing to some serious depression. Those of you who have taken prednisone (and I know there are MANY here!) know that it can really mess you up. Sometimes I will just burst into tears for no apparent reason. I was watching the Muppet Show the other day and it made me _cry_. I realized how absurd this was, and I have no idea why I thought it was sad. But prednisone does bizarre things like that. Second, I don’t know that I was really, truly, mentally prepared for the physical reality of having a stoma, even a temporary one. I will say it again: I am totally in awe of people who have to live with a stoma on a lifelong basis. I am a really squeamish person. I have a hard time when they start an IV and I don’t like to watch when they draw my blood! So I should have known that having a portion of my small intestine hanging out of my abdomen might NOT be the most ideal psychological situation for me! I didn’t really take that into account before the surgery. I must have read FOUR ostomy self-help books before the surgery. Of course, the authors are trying to be helpful and supportive, and I think they white-wash the issue to a certain extent. The overwhelming message of these books is "your stoma is fine, you are beautiful with one, you can live a normal life with one." Yes, OK, I know this is true, but it ignores the reality of the emotions that many people (myself especially) deal with when they get their stoma. I nearly fainted when I saw it for the first time, and I nearly vomited when I changed the appliance for the first time. Luckily, things are getting better — I am "making peace" with it and getting better at dealing with it. My surgeon is a real gung-ho type of guy, too. He is very friendly and smart, and he is very experienced. Unfortunately, he is so experienced that I think he forgets to reassure his patients. He has performed many of these surgeries. They are kind of old-hat to him. I think he might sometimes forget that his patient is a very frightened person. I only had one colon, and he removed it. He performs these surgeries 4 times a week. This is a once-in-a-lifetime event for me. So he makes remarks like "this surgery will be a snap. We will have you up and around in no time!" I know he is only trying to help. But when I can’t live up to that prediction, I start to get demoralized. So, anyway: regret the surgery? Nah, I wouldn’t go that far. It’s just been more painful, more difficult and more challenging than I was prepared for. Had I known it would be this difficult, I might have put it off for maybe another month, trying to get a little more strength, and gain some more weight, before going under the knife. But the pathology reports of dysplasia are hard to argue with. Plus, you should have seen the snapshots from my last colonoscopy — it looked absolutely horrible in there. It has sometimes been filling up with stool. Apparently, not all of it goes through the ileostomy — some of it winds up in the pouch. I have had no problem retaining any of it. They tell you to perform kegel exercises to strengthen those muscles. Ha ha. Thanks to severe diarrhea, the last 10 years of my life have been one continuous kegel exercise. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > Obviously you had a very hard time, and continue to do so in some > ways.  It saddens all of us to hear that you had a worse time than > many, but we must understand that each of us must deal with our > individual situation.  Your postings have been invaluable to because > they are so real.  You will surely discover that the worst of the > memories fade with time, at least they did for me, and I was probably > about as sick as you when I had my original surgery.   > With all that in mind, prospective candidates for surgery also need to > know that their experience may well be better and easier.   > Carl >Hey all, >Hotbread here. Just a quick update to let you know that I am still alive & >kicking. >As most of you know, I had stage 1 of my j-pouch surgery on August 10th. >No more colon! >My liver enzymes tests have been elevated ever since I got sick. I got >word last week that they have returned to normal for the first time in 10 >years! The UC was causing some mild inflammation in my liver. That >probably contributed to my overall sick feeling and fatigue. >My colon had high-grade dysplasia. I would almost definitely have gotten >colon cancer sometime within the next 5-10 years. >My family tells me I look better than I’ve looked in years. They say my >color is better, and I don’t have dark circles under my eyes anymore. >I still FEEL like crap, though. Surgery HURTS!!! I don’t think I was quite >prepared for exactly how unpleasant it would be. I am now walking around >with no problems, though. I try to walk a little more every day. Still >have plenty of little aches and pains throughout my abdomen. >I need to emphasize to anyone who is considering this surgery — it is >MAJOR. MAJOR, MAJOR, MAJOR!!! You will probably feel terrible immediately >after the surgery, and for weeks afterwards. My abdominal muscles are >still sore. >Furthermore, it has been very difficult to adjust to "the bag." Luckily, >this should only be a temporary body part. And it gets easier to cope with >it every day, as I get used to it. I had some bad problems at first, I >would get very upset every time I had to change the appliance. I am >definitely improving though. >I have been spending a lot of time on alt.support.ostomy because that’s >where most of my questions centered. They have been very helpful over >there. >I just wanted to let people know what’s going on… and remind people who >are considering this surgery that the recovery is _very difficult_. I was >quite sick when I went in for the surgery. I didn’t have a lot of >emotional strength left, because I had been sick since March. So it has >definitely been a struggle. But with every day, I can feel myself getting >stronger. I DO no longer have to worry about dashing to the bathroom, >thanks to the bag… so once I get my energy back, I’ll be able to go out >and live a relatively normal life. >PS the colon has been sold to Arby’s, Inc. to be used as filler in their >sandwich meat. >-Joe >Have a nice day, and don’t forget to wear some pants.

Have a nice day, and don’t forget to wear some pants.

Response:

Joe, The Arby bit was funny, but gross … <G> I better not tell my son about it as he works for Arby’s and always eats the food there Maryjo – who is glad that you are doing better

MY PAGEOURGRANDCHILDREN

Response:

Glad to see that Arby’s will be improving their fare! Mel – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >He

Response:

Was wondering why Arby’s sandwich meat had a dysplasia flavor lately – a big improvement. Earl (U) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > GROSSSSSS!!!!  I am very glad that I dont eat at Arby’s……hehehee

Response:

LOL! There is an Arby’s going in just down the street from me! Seriously – I am so glad that you are doing better everyday! Thanks for your honest posts, it helps those of us who have thought about surgery (they keep changing my dx so I’m stuck with Mr. Colon for a while). May you continue to feel better and better – here is a little hug: ((((Joe)))) Rebecca who also thinks you look better than you have in years. . . – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hey all, > Hotbread here. Just a quick update to let you know that I am still alive & > kicking. > As most of you know, I had stage 1 of my j-pouch surgery on August 10th. > No more colon! > My liver enzymes tests have been elevated ever since I got sick. I got > word last week that they have returned to normal for the first time in 10 > years! The UC was causing some mild inflammation in my liver. That > probably contributed to my overall sick feeling and fatigue. > My colon had high-grade dysplasia. I would almost definitely have gotten > colon cancer sometime within the next 5-10 years. > My family tells me I look better than I’ve looked in years. They say my > color is better, and I don’t have dark circles under my eyes anymore. > I still FEEL like crap, though. Surgery HURTS!!! I don’t think I was quite > prepared for exactly how unpleasant it would be. I am now walking around > with no problems, though. I try to walk a little more every day. Still > have plenty of little aches and pains throughout my abdomen. > I need to emphasize to anyone who is considering this surgery — it is > MAJOR. MAJOR, MAJOR, MAJOR!!! You will probably feel terrible immediately > after the surgery, and for weeks afterwards. My abdominal muscles are > still sore. > Furthermore, it has been very difficult to adjust to "the bag." Luckily, > this should only be a temporary body part. And it gets easier to cope with > it every day, as I get used to it. I had some bad problems at first, I > would get very upset every time I had to change the appliance. I am > definitely improving though. > I have been spending a lot of time on alt.support.ostomy because that’s > where most of my questions centered. They have been very helpful over > there. > I just wanted to let people know what’s going on… and remind people who > are considering this surgery that the recovery is _very difficult_. I was > quite sick when I went in for the surgery. I didn’t have a lot of > emotional strength left, because I had been sick since March. So it has > definitely been a struggle. But with every day, I can feel myself getting > stronger. I DO no longer have to worry about dashing to the bathroom, > thanks to the bag… so once I get my energy back, I’ll be able to go out > and live a relatively normal life. > PS the colon has been sold to Arby’s, Inc. to be used as filler in their > sandwich meat. > -Joe > Have a nice day, and don’t forget to wear some pants.

Response:

GROSSSSSS!!!!  I am very glad that I dont eat at Arby’s……hehehee

Response:

Obviously you had a very hard time, and continue to do so in some ways.  It saddens all of us to hear that you had a worse time than many, but we must understand that each of us must deal with our individual situation.  Your postings have been invaluable to because they are so real.  You will surely discover that the worst of the memories fade with time, at least they did for me, and I was probably about as sick as you when I had my original surgery.   With all that in mind, prospective candidates for surgery also need to know that their experience may well be better and easier.   Carl – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >Hey all, >Hotbread here. Just a quick update to let you know that I am still alive & >kicking. >As most of you know, I had stage 1 of my j-pouch surgery on August 10th. >No more colon! >My liver enzymes tests have been elevated ever since I got sick. I got >word last week that they have returned to normal for the first time in 10 >years! The UC was causing some mild inflammation in my liver. That >probably contributed to my overall sick feeling and fatigue. >My colon had high-grade dysplasia. I would almost definitely have gotten >colon cancer sometime within the next 5-10 years. >My family tells me I look better than I’ve looked in years. They say my >color is better, and I don’t have dark circles under my eyes anymore. >I still FEEL like crap, though. Surgery HURTS!!! I don’t think I was quite >prepared for exactly how unpleasant it would be. I am now walking around >with no problems, though. I try to walk a little more every day. Still >have plenty of little aches and pains throughout my abdomen. >I need to emphasize to anyone who is considering this surgery — it is >MAJOR. MAJOR, MAJOR, MAJOR!!! You will probably feel terrible immediately >after the surgery, and for weeks afterwards. My abdominal muscles are >still sore. >Furthermore, it has been very difficult to adjust to "the bag." Luckily, >this should only be a temporary body part. And it gets easier to cope with >it every day, as I get used to it. I had some bad problems at first, I >would get very upset every time I had to change the appliance. I am >definitely improving though. >I have been spending a lot of time on alt.support.ostomy because that’s >where most of my questions centered. They have been very helpful over >there. >I just wanted to let people know what’s going on… and remind people who >are considering this surgery that the recovery is _very difficult_. I was >quite sick when I went in for the surgery. I didn’t have a lot of >emotional strength left, because I had been sick since March. So it has >definitely been a struggle. But with every day, I can feel myself getting >stronger. I DO no longer have to worry about dashing to the bathroom, >thanks to the bag… so once I get my energy back, I’ll be able to go out >and live a relatively normal life. >PS the colon has been sold to Arby’s, Inc. to be used as filler in their >sandwich meat. >-Joe >Have a nice day, and don’t forget to wear some pants.

Response:

Hey all, Hotbread here. Just a quick update to let you know that I am still alive & kicking. As most of you know, I had stage 1 of my j-pouch surgery on August 10th. No more colon! My liver enzymes tests have been elevated ever since I got sick. I got word last week that they have returned to normal for the first time in 10 years! The UC was causing some mild inflammation in my liver. That probably contributed to my overall sick feeling and fatigue. My colon had high-grade dysplasia. I would almost definitely have gotten colon cancer sometime within the next 5-10 years. My family tells me I look better than I’ve looked in years. They say my color is better, and I don’t have dark circles under my eyes anymore. I still FEEL like crap, though. Surgery HURTS!!! I don’t think I was quite prepared for exactly how unpleasant it would be. I am now walking around with no problems, though. I try to walk a little more every day. Still have plenty of little aches and pains throughout my abdomen. I need to emphasize to anyone who is considering this surgery — it is MAJOR. MAJOR, MAJOR, MAJOR!!! You will probably feel terrible immediately after the surgery, and for weeks afterwards. My abdominal muscles are still sore. Furthermore, it has been very difficult to adjust to "the bag." Luckily, this should only be a temporary body part. And it gets easier to cope with it every day, as I get used to it. I had some bad problems at first, I would get very upset every time I had to change the appliance. I am definitely improving though. I have been spending a lot of time on alt.support.ostomy because that’s where most of my questions centered. They have been very helpful over there. I just wanted to let people know what’s going on… and remind people who are considering this surgery that the recovery is _very difficult_. I was quite sick when I went in for the surgery. I didn’t have a lot of emotional strength left, because I had been sick since March. So it has definitely been a struggle. But with every day, I can feel myself getting stronger. I DO no longer have to worry about dashing to the bathroom, thanks to the bag… so once I get my energy back, I’ll be able to go out and live a relatively normal life. PS the colon has been sold to Arby’s, Inc. to be used as filler in their sandwich meat. -Joe Have a nice day, and don’t forget to wear some pants.

Response: