Depression Recovery

Question:

(((elle)))  To everything there is a season….. Amy – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > This time of year gets very depressing for me.  It’s a trigger; it was > September 2000 that my mom became ill for the last time, and there were some > very difficult circumstances which followed her illness and death. > I’ve been working my way back from the precipice of trauma recovery and the > interrupted grieving for her ever since. > It would be very easy for me to get sucked into depression right now. > After all this time, there’s a part of me that wants to despair of ever > being whole again, that just wants to say "fuck it all" and pick up again. > But of course, I won’t do that.  Two years later, I need to be getting on > with my life. > Hugs, > elle

Response:

Having lost both parents to lung cancer, I know that losing a parent sucks any time of year.   This time of year is tough on me for different reasons.  Shorter days. Colder days.  Adds up to my wanting to withdraw and sleep until March or so.  I need stuff to look forward to.  We booked a trip to Florida today so Patty and I have that to keep us buoyant.  Any little thing helps. I’ve blown quits during these next few months.  This time will be the exception.  I’ve come too far.  We’ve come too far.  We know the deal; don’t smoke.  So I don’t and I won’t today. Lee — 4m 2w 1d 22h smoke-free, 8,335 cigs not smoked, $1,250.25 saved for bikes and…uh…other stuff. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – > This time of year gets very depressing for me.  It’s a trigger; it was > September 2000 that my mom became ill for the last time, and there were some > very difficult circumstances which followed her illness and death. > I’ve been working my way back from the precipice of trauma recovery and the > interrupted grieving for her ever since. > It would be very easy for me to get sucked into depression right now. > After all this time, there’s a part of me that wants to despair of ever > being whole again, that just wants to say "fuck it all" and pick up again. > But of course, I won’t do that.  Two years later, I need to be getting on > with my life. > Hugs, > elle

Response:

Hey elle, two years of grieving is enough. You’re absolutely right, it’s time to move on. I can remember having dreams about my dad for about two years after he died. It took a while for me to move beyond the pain and frustration, but it did happen. I hope that you can to. GregB

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> This time of year gets very depressing for me.  It’s a trigger; it was > September 2000 that my mom became ill for the last time, and there were some > very difficult circumstances which followed her illness and death. > I’ve been working my way back from the precipice of trauma recovery and the > interrupted grieving for her ever since. > It would be very easy for me to get sucked into depression right now. > After all this time, there’s a part of me that wants to despair of ever > being whole again, that just wants to say "fuck it all" and pick up again. > But of course, I won’t do that.  Two years later, I need to be getting on > with my life. > Hugs, > elle

Response:

> Y’all are the best.  Thanks for the hugs, thanks for caring.  Let’s see if I > can get through this and keep my quit intact. > Hugs, > elle

you bet you can! read and post every minute if you need to! we are here! rosie

Response:

> This time of year gets very depressing for me.

Elle, Huge hugs and heart healing thoughts coming your way!! Pat S Three weeks, one day, 10 hours, 29 minutes and 4 seconds. 448 cigarettes not smoked, saving $85.26. Life saved: 1 day, 13 hours, 20 minutes.

Response:

> This time of year gets very depressing for me.  It’s a trigger; it was > September 2000 that my mom became ill for the last time, and there were some > very difficult circumstances which followed her illness and death. > I’ve been working my way back from the precipice of trauma recovery and the > interrupted grieving for her ever since. > It would be very easy for me to get sucked into depression right now. > After all this time, there’s a part of me that wants to despair of ever > being whole again, that just wants to say "fuck it all" and pick up again.

Sorry about the reminder of this time of year and the pain that’s part of it. I’m no fan of suffering. Some days, I’m not thrilled about the growth that is a part of the process. If smoking worked at *all*, I’d say hell yeah, pick up the smokes. Puff away, and try to reduce what you’re feeling and shove it back down, and never mind the consequences to your health, finances and life. I think it was Flemming who noted, insightfully, once the door is open to all the things we smoked about, we’ve come too far and the only way out is through. > But of course, I won’t do that.  

Of course you won’t. I have to remind myself that having the feeling is fine; I had it for 21 years. Acting on it would be asinine. Two years later, I need to be getting on > with my life.

And so you are. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hugs, > elle

Response:

elle,   Hope you will pull up and out of any downward feelings.  My dad passed two years ago 9/19, I haven’t reached that day yet but it’s very close by.  I’ve been dealing with it ok.     From my reading I’m in the 2/3 week depression/anxiety stage so I’m just holding on myself.   I have been getting great support from this quit group, and feel a tad better each day.  A special thank you to steve s.   Elle, from my reading also I see alot of people that honor and respect you.  You obviously provide strength to many people.  You are the kind of person a greater power works through to help us all,  He would not let you down, or us. I will pray for you also, as I amsure many will Be free, and be strong! Lance K 1 month, 5 days–teeth clenched.

Response:

"elle" wrote – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> This time of year gets very depressing for me.  It’s a trigger; it was > September 2000 that my mom became ill for the last time, and there were some > very difficult circumstances which followed her illness and death. > I’ve been working my way back from the precipice of trauma recovery and the > interrupted grieving for her ever since. > It would be very easy for me to get sucked into depression right now. > After all this time, there’s a part of me that wants to despair of ever > being whole again, that just wants to say "fuck it all" and pick up again. > But of course, I won’t do that.  Two years later, I need to be getting on > with my life.

Yep. Seasons changing, time passing, memories floating up at you… I’m afraid I know the feeling. Fact is, it’d be extremely easy to just let go, give up, stop striving for improvement… How hard it is to get well! How difficult to make progress and take responsibility and TRY! There are sure days when I find it extremely difficult to just get out of bed. My dreams are so much more seductive than the reality of rolling over, sitting up, putting my feet on the floor and actually rising and finding my way downstairs to see if there’s any coffee left, as I start another in a series of what seem to be rather pointless days… But I do it, for some reason. It’s just sort of foolish NOT to, it seems. About the last thing on my mind these days is wanting a cigarette, for some reason. Depression and anger and despair and all that stuff that ganged up on me recently didn’t seem a compelling enough reason to light up and inhale. Stinking and coughing, on top of my other woes, would’ve been just too humiliating. It’s lost its appeal. And that tells me I *have* moved on. It’s kinda like the minute hand on a clock… Hard to notice significant progress, but it’s steadily happening. Make you a deal? Don’t get depressed and smoke, and I’ll come give you a real nice, big, RL hug on Wednesday… JEF. (Depressed but not smelly)

Response:

{{{ELLE}}} God bless you Elle. I have no words of wisdom for you. I must say though, you MUST get on with life. Find your happiness. Make your happiness. Dion Singing in the sunshine, laughing in the rain.

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> This time of year gets very depressing for me.  It’s a trigger; it was > September 2000 that my mom became ill for the last time, and there were some > very difficult circumstances which followed her illness and death. > I’ve been working my way back from the precipice of trauma recovery and the > interrupted grieving for her ever since. > It would be very easy for me to get sucked into depression right now. > After all this time, there’s a part of me that wants to despair of ever > being whole again, that just wants to say "fuck it all" and pick up again. > But of course, I won’t do that.  Two years later, I need to be getting on > with my life. > Hugs, > elle

Response:

Hi elle, This is a tough time of year for getting depressed at the best of times. Give yourself more time, ok?  You had your Mom for a longer time than you are trying to get over it.  I’m not sure if that is coming out right but I hope you understand what I mean.  Quitting smoking or other awful things…. give yourself a break. (((elle))) Kim

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> This time of year gets very depressing for me.  It’s a trigger; it was > September 2000 that my mom became ill for the last time, and there were some > very difficult circumstances which followed her illness and death. > I’ve been working my way back from the precipice of trauma recovery and the > interrupted grieving for her ever since. > It would be very easy for me to get sucked into depression right now. > After all this time, there’s a part of me that wants to despair of ever > being whole again, that just wants to say "fuck it all" and pick up again. > But of course, I won’t do that.  Two years later, I need to be getting on > with my life. > Hugs, > elle

Response:

[snipped good stuff as usual] > JEF. (Depressed but not smelly)

(((JEF.)))

Response:

Hugs back Elle… turn it all around and think of how happy your mother would be that you are a non-smoker. John

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> This time of year gets very depressing for me.  It’s a trigger; it was > September 2000 that my mom became ill for the last time, and there were some > very difficult circumstances which followed her illness and death. > I’ve been working my way back from the precipice of trauma recovery and the > interrupted grieving for her ever since. > It would be very easy for me to get sucked into depression right now. > After all this time, there’s a part of me that wants to despair of ever > being whole again, that just wants to say "fuck it all" and pick up again. > But of course, I won’t do that.  Two years later, I need to be getting on > with my life. > Hugs, > elle

Response:

> But of course, I won’t do that.  Two years later, I need to be getting on > with my life. > Hugs, > elle

((((((((((((((((elle))))))))))))))))))))

Response:

Thanks to everyone for your kind and thoughtful words and hugs.  I think the next few months are going to be hard.  I have to face things I don’t want to face– I can feel myself zoning out even as I write these words… I so much don’t want to go there, and it really is that hard for me to ask for help. But I gotta do this. Y’all are the best.  Thanks for the hugs, thanks for caring.  Let’s see if I can get through this and keep my quit intact. Hugs, elle

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> This time of year gets very depressing for me.  It’s a trigger; it was > September 2000 that my mom became ill for the last time, and there were some > very difficult circumstances which followed her illness and death. > I’ve been working my way back from the precipice of trauma recovery and the > interrupted grieving for her ever since. > It would be very easy for me to get sucked into depression right now. > After all this time, there’s a part of me that wants to despair of ever > being whole again, that just wants to say "fuck it all" and pick up again. > But of course, I won’t do that.  Two years later, I need to be getting on > with my life. > Hugs, > elle

Response:

((Elle)) …pat. — Pat and Ash http://www3.sympatico.ca/patash/ Ash’s ICQ:   152392429 Pat’s ICQ:  153842682

Response:

(((((Elle)))))) …right back to you, Elle.  I understand what you’re saying…take care… Sally – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >This time of year gets very depressing for me.  It’s a trigger; it was >September 2000 that my mom became ill for the last time, and there were some >very difficult circumstances which followed her illness and death. >I’ve been working my way back from the precipice of trauma recovery and the >interrupted grieving for her ever since. >It would be very easy for me to get sucked into depression right now. >After all this time, there’s a part of me that wants to despair of ever >being whole again, that just wants to say "fuck it all" and pick up again. >But of course, I won’t do that.  Two years later, I need to be getting on >with my life. >Hugs, >elle

Response:

Elle, I understand.  Two years ago this past July my mother died of lung cancer.  It was a long slow death.  On her deathbed I promised her I would quit smoking.  It took me two years of guilt and shame for not having the strength to dump the butts.  But the day finally arrived, and I feel like I fulfilled a promise.  Yes, life continues, and not a day goes by that I don’t think of my mother with gratitude for all she gave me.  I keep on keepin on cuz that’s all I know how to do.  Hang in there. SteveS Two months, six days, 21 hours, 2 minutes and 54 seconds. 2066 cigarettes not smoked, saving $361.60. Promises fulfilled:  one.

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> This time of year gets very depressing for me.  It’s a trigger; it was > September 2000 that my mom became ill for the last time, and there were some > very difficult circumstances which followed her illness and death. > I’ve been working my way back from the precipice of trauma recovery and the > interrupted grieving for her ever since. > It would be very easy for me to get sucked into depression right now. > After all this time, there’s a part of me that wants to despair of ever > being whole again, that just wants to say "fuck it all" and pick up again. > But of course, I won’t do that.  Two years later, I need to be getting on > with my life. > Hugs, > elle

Response:

This time of year gets very depressing for me.  It’s a trigger; it was September 2000 that my mom became ill for the last time, and there were some very difficult circumstances which followed her illness and death. I’ve been working my way back from the precipice of trauma recovery and the interrupted grieving for her ever since. It would be very easy for me to get sucked into depression right now. After all this time, there’s a part of me that wants to despair of ever being whole again, that just wants to say "fuck it all" and pick up again. But of course, I won’t do that.  Two years later, I need to be getting on with my life. Hugs, elle

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >This time of year gets very depressing for me.  It’s a trigger; it was >September 2000 that my mom became ill for the last time, and there were some >very difficult circumstances which followed her illness and death. >I’ve been working my way back from the precipice of trauma recovery and the >interrupted grieving for her ever since. >It would be very easy for me to get sucked into depression right now. >After all this time, there’s a part of me that wants to despair of ever >being whole again, that just wants to say "fuck it all" and pick up again. >But of course, I won’t do that.  Two years later, I need to be getting on >with my life. >Hugs, >elle

  I’m sorry about your mother,Elle.   I have to be moving on,too, and I’m having so much trouble.   Praying for you, Elle. I think you are so intelligent and thoughtful and wonderful.  love, Cheryl Faith

Response: