Depression Recovery

Question:

This was sent to me by a friend, and I just had to share it with you all. Enjoy DANCE LIKE NOBODY’S WATCHING: Jeff was the kind of guy you love to hate. He was always in a good mood and always had something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!" He was a unique manager because he had several waiters who had followed him around from restaurant to restaurant. The reason the waiters followed Jeff was because of his attitude. He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Jeff was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation. Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Jeff and asked him, "I don’t get it! You can’t be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?" Jeff replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, Jeff, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood.’ I choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life." "Yeah, right, it’s not that easy," I protested. "Yes, it is," Jeff said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people will affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It’s your choice how you live life." I reflected on what Jeff said. Soon thereafter, I left the restaurant industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it. Several years later, I heard that Jeff did something you are never supposed to do in a restaurant business: he left the back door open one morning and was held up at gunpoint by three armed robbers.  While trying to open the safe, his hand, shaking from nervousness, slipped off the combination. The robbers panicked and shot him. Luckily, Jeff was found relatively quickly and rushed to the local trauma center. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Jeff was released from the hospital with fragments of the bullets still in his body. I saw Jeff about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he said, "If I were any better, I’d be twins. Wanna see my scars?" I declined to see his wounds, but did ask him what had gone through him mind as the robbery took place. "The first thing that went through my mind was that I should have locked the back door," Jeff replied. "Then, as I lay on the floor, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live, or I could choose to die. I chose to live. "Weren’t you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked. Jeff continued, "The paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the emergency room and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read, ‘He’s a dead man." "I knew I needed to take action." "What did you do?" I asked. "Well, there was a big, burly nurse shouting questions at me," said Jeff. "She asked if I was allergic to anything. ‘Yes,’ I replied. The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, ‘Bullets!’ Over their laughter, I told them, ‘I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead." Jeff lived thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully. Attitude, after all, is everything. Work like you don’t need the money Love like you’ve never been hurt and  Dance like nobody’s watching

Response:

> This was sent to me by a friend, and I just had to share it with you all. > Enjoy > DANCE LIKE NOBODY’S WATCHING:

If you saw me dance you would know that I ONLY dance when no one is watching! — Diva "Simlify, Simplify, Simplify" Henry David Thoreau Why did he say it three times?

Response:

>  I learned from him that every day we have > the choice to live fully. Attitude, after all, is everything.

Okay, I’ve seen this damn story about a thousand times now, and it chaps my ass every time I see it. ESPECIALLY HERE. What a stupid normie perspective of life. Don’t you think that if I could just have an attitude adjustment and think myself happy that I WOULD HAVE DONE IT BY NOW??? oooh, and I REALLY hate this guy Jeff in the story. Cause I know there are people like him in the world that got twice as much optimism and happiness, leaving me with NONE. "If I was any better I’d be twins!" I want to retch on his shoes. See how much better he is then. Hello? Depression means that you can’t fucking CHOOSE to be in a good mood and go with it. I do not CHOOSE every morning to want to kill myself, I do not CHOOSE to spend hours loathing myself, and if it were simply a matter of CHOICE then I would CHOOSE that it all would go away and I’d be a nauseating person like Jeff. Guess what? Takes more than just "choosing" to be happy every day. And no, Freedom, I’m not yelling at you, I know you didn’t write the story, you just happened to be the 1,000th person to post or email it to me and it set me off. End of ugly rant. Mary

Response:

  When I first heard the story I thought it was a good one.  I even took it down to work and read it to everyone.  At the time, it seemed appropriate given that people were generally at each others throats and being petty and looking at everything with negativeness all over the place.  Somebody would say hello it’s a beautiful day and someone else would answer with the announcement that the sun was blocked for 10 minutes and ruined the whole day.  A good simile would be someone who stumbled over a gold brick and stood there complaining about their stubbed toe.   My own view is that in life there needs to be balance.  People will die, get maimed, mugged, raped, killed, and anything else you want to think of.  Bad things happen.  That’s life.  Good things happen.  That is also life.  Some of this we can control.  Some of it we can’t.   The stuff that I can control I try to use positive thoughts.  As I have a dark side it can  sometimes be hard to do this.  I’m also an extremest…either something is or it isn’t.  I’m still learning that gray is a color.   It’s a good story because it reminds me that I do have that kind of control even if there are times when I have to fight for it.   Don’t take the criticism personally.  And don’t not post something you feel is uplifting because it sets off something in somebody else.  They were expressing their feelings about the story and not about you who took the time to give it. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >  I am terribly sorry if I have caused everyone here such turmoil w/ this > story. I’ve been lurking here for about a month, I too am very depressed and > taking meds for it. I just thought it may make someone’s day a little > brighter as it did mine. Didn’t realize I would cause such a problem. My > humble apologies, > Freedom

Response:

 I am terribly sorry if I have caused everyone here such turmoil w/ this story. I’ve been lurking here for about a month, I too am very depressed and taking meds for it. I just thought it may make someone’s day a little brighter as it did mine. Didn’t realize I would cause such a problem. My humble apologies, Freedom

Response:

  kayland, thank you so much for your response. It meant a lot to me.

Response:

Hi Freedom! I have seen the story before, and liked it when I first read it. You certainly shouldn’t feel bad about posting it, and I hope you will continue to post things you find inspiring for the group to share. I think, on reading it again, the man is a little *too* positive for some people. But I have met people in life that have always been able to find the good in others and place a positive slant on things, and I have tried to follow this approach as best I can. Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I don’t. I think the fact that the guy in the story always succeeds can be a little galling when we feel we have failed. Please continue to post, and welcome to the group! Take care, Doughnut Girdle your grummits, rollock your fussits, tether your nadgers and plight your cordwangle – ramblin syd rumpo > I am terribly sorry if I have caused everyone here such turmoil w/ this >story. I’ve been lurking here for about a month, I too am very depressed and >taking meds for it. I just thought it may make someone’s day a little >brighter as it did mine. Didn’t realize I would cause such a problem. My >humble apologies, >Freedom

– For more information about this service, send e-mail to:

Response:

Freedom, like I said, that rant was in no way aimed at *you*. I’m more than happy that you’re here, and that after lurking you decided to post! WELCOME!! For some reason that story just sets me off, and this time I didn’t sit on my hands to keep from posting it. Tells you more about me than it does that story. I know that you had the best intentions. So, whaddya say, will you stay? Puhleeez don’t let me scare you off. I hope to see more from you. Take care, Freedom Mary – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >  I am terribly sorry if I have caused everyone here such turmoil w/ this > story. I’ve been lurking here for about a month, I too am very depressed and > taking meds for it. I just thought it may make someone’s day a little > brighter as it did mine. Didn’t realize I would cause such a problem. My > humble apologies, > Freedom

Response:

Mary wrote >Hello? Depression means that you can’t fucking CHOOSE to be in a good mood >and go with it. I do not CHOOSE every morning to want to kill myself, I do >not CHOOSE to spend hours loathing myself, and if it were simply a matter of >CHOICE then I would CHOOSE that it all would go away and I’d be a nauseating >person like Jeff. Guess what? Takes more than just "choosing" to be happy >every day.

I think I personally DO choose to be miserable. It is part of my life-time punishment for allowing myself to be sexually abused as a young child. I don’t care how much anyone can try to appeal to my reason, it was MY FAULT I was raped and otherwise molested for 4 years from ages 3-7. I don’t blame the rest of you for your depression. Maybe you have biochemical imbalances, or maybe things happened to you that WEREN’T your fault. But it’s my fault and I punish myself with misery. Soon I will end it all. As soon as I have the courage. Karen — Oh how I wish that I had not been born My dreams are shattered and my heart is torn

Response:

> >  kayland, >thank you so much for your response. It meant a lot to me. > Freedom, > Oh my, please pay no attention to the woman behind the curtain who is having > an episode.  It wasn’t aimed at you–not at all.

She’s right, Freedom. > And Mary: My dear, what a marvelous rant!  I enjoyed it throughly.  I love > your rants; you always take vehemence to new heights.

BAHAHAHAHahahahahahahaha! Hey, that’s what I should have answered on Storm’s latest questions. What would you like to be remembered for? "taking vehemence to new heights!" heeheeheeheeheehee!! Thank you, Pit, I thought it was a pretty good rant myself. I need to improve my writing/posting style to reflect how I mean these things, which is in a non-threatening and/or humorous way. I really didn’t mean to offend anyone. Take care, Mary <keyboard no longer smoking>

Response:

> (i hated it the > first time also but i weighed the aggravation factor.  to me, it > wasn’t worth what aggravation it would cause to rant it.  this is > easy for me because my life is ruled by the aggravation factor. > i swallow a lot of anger.)

I managed to keep myself quiet the last time I saw this story posted, but this time before I knew it I was pounding away on the keyboard. Occasionally, I’ll type up something like that and then trash it rather than send it, but for some reason this time I pushed that Send button. Thanks, Hexe Mary

Response:

>  > I want to retch on his shoes. See how much better he is then. > LOL.  I’d shit on ‘em.  To me this story doesn’t ring true at all.  It > reminds me of those stories about crocodiles loose in the New York > sewers, or the sort of horrible pap they dish out in the Readers’ > Digest.

heeheehee, yeah, that’s exactly it!! > I am not yelling at Freedom either.  But….maybe it’s because I’m a > Brit but this kind of story provokes nothing in me except cynical > laughter and a desire to indulge in a long bout of projectile > vomiting.

so I must be getting in touch with my "inner Brit", huh?! Cause this is exactly the reaction it gives me! (Of course, that doesn’t mean I have to go stomping and raving about it…) > Freedom this is not at all personal, but Mary’s right.  And Mary – > rant away pet. =20

It’s *definitely* not personal! I’m calming down now, and a bit embarassed by my behavior. (but I’ve gotta admit, it was nice to let off a little steam!) Thanks catlover Mary

Response:

>   When I first heard the story I thought it was a good one.  I even took it down > to work and read it to everyone.  

<snipp> >   Don’t take the criticism personally.  And don’t not post something you feel is > uplifting because it sets off something in somebody else.  They were expressing > their feelings about the story and not about you who took the time to give it.

i totally agree. i for one was not trying to say that you were wrong to post it….. i just felt like pointing out another view, and i guess it pretty well pissed mary off, and i can understand because sometimes it makes me that angry too, though not this time. it becomes very frustrating for people who are constantly nagged at to ‘pull out of it’ or whatever and have been too often accused of just being weak or needing a kick in the *ss or whatever.   somebody else mentioned that she felt was actually trying to *harm* herself with her will, and that to me is a more important lesson out of all of this! in that context attitude is *very* important.. and i cant control it either, becuase i *often* feel that i am harming myself against my better judgement.. in that sense i totally agree that attitude is almost everything. however, i also understood *exactly* what mary was talking about, though i was not quite *that* mad myself, just interested in pointing out another side of things….. hi freedom, i like your name. i have a strong will and it often frustrates me that i cant just wish myself better. hence a part of my reaction, perhaps. welcome to the list and i hope you are not offended by my post. peace.. ((oog, and  blood)) anna/amrys – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->  I am terribly sorry if I have caused everyone here such turmoil w/ this > story. I’ve been lurking here for about a month, I too am very depressed and > taking meds for it. I just thought it may make someone’s day a little > brighter as it did mine. Didn’t realize I would cause such a problem. My > humble apologies, > Freedom

Response:

> I think I personally DO choose to be miserable. It is part of my life-time > punishment for allowing myself to be sexually abused as a young child. I > don’t care how much anyone can try to appeal to my reason, it was MY FAULT I > was raped and otherwise molested for 4 years from ages 3-7. I don’t blame > the rest of you for your depression. Maybe you have biochemical imbalances, > or maybe things happened to you that WEREN’T your fault. But it’s my fault > and I punish myself with misery. Soon I will end it all. As soon as I have > the courage. > Karen > Oh how I wish that I had not been born > My dreams are shattered and my heart is torn

You really should spend as much time as possible in the support group(s) for abuse, especially sexual abuse: alt.abuse.recovery alt.abuse.sexual.recovery and so on. Just do a search. I can’t vouch for the groups, but I think you need to talk to people with this problem, not to people with various forms of mood disorder. Other survivors will be much better equipped to feel what you’re feeling and to deal with this crazy, but understandable, guilt. When you shoot someone in the back for fun, there should be appropriate guilt. When you feel guilty because you were the person who was shot, that’s crazy guilt. It’s quite likely that a fairly large minority of people in ASDR have a hx of serious abuse, but most have not. Go! Run! Now! You will find your sisters and brothers in spirit, and they can help you to heal. Spend most of the Usenet support time there. Don’t waste your energy on us!! But check in with us, okay?? I’d better hear from you on a regular basis!! Or I’ll track you down!!! Shisha

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Mary wrote >Hello? Depression means that you can’t fucking CHOOSE to be in a good mood >and go with it. I do not CHOOSE every morning to want to kill myself, I do >not CHOOSE to spend hours loathing myself, and if it were simply a matter >of >CHOICE then I would CHOOSE that it all would go away and I’d be a >nauseating >person like Jeff. Guess what? Takes more than just "choosing" to be happy >every day. >I think I personally DO choose to be miserable. It is part of my life-time >punishment for allowing myself to be sexually abused as a young child. I >don’t care how much anyone can try to appeal to my reason, it was MY FAULT I >was raped and otherwise molested for 4 years from ages 3-7. I don’t blame >the rest of you for your depression. Maybe you have biochemical imbalances, >or maybe things happened to you that WEREN’T your fault. But it’s my fault >and I punish myself with misery. Soon I will end it all. As soon as I have >the courage. >Karen >– >Oh how I wish that I had not been born >My dreams are shattered and my heart is torn

Karen I can understand how the misery won’t go away, but you won’t blame another toddler for the kind abuse you took.  All children feel responsible for the problems of their adult, but you know it isn’t true.  Knowing does not change the feelings, I know. I can only understand some of your pain, but the pain I have stays too.   Are you certain that you have no hope.?  You’re bright, fun and everyone likes to have you around here.  There must be something wonderful about you or you wouldn’t be so easy to love. Please reconsider. Joyce What’s in a name?  A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.

Response:

>I can understand how the misery won’t go away, but you won’t blame >another toddler for the kind abuse you took.  All children feel >responsible for the problems of their adult, but you know it isn’t >true.  Knowing does not change the feelings, I know. I can only >understand some of your pain, but the pain I have stays too.

I am trying to get the feelings to catch up with the thoughts. My intellect knows I am not to blame. I *feel* I am to blame. Of course I would never blame another child of a similar age as I was when it happened. I will *try* to show myself some compassion. >Are you certain that you have no hope.?  You’re bright, fun and >everyone likes to have you around here.  There must be something >wonderful about you or you wouldn’t be so easy to love.

Thanks for saying those things, Joyce. It means a lot. And tiny bits of hope slip in once in a while. Karen — Oh how I wish that I had not been born My dreams are shattered and my heart is torn

Response:

>You really should spend as much time as possible in the support group(s) for >abuse, especially sexual abuse: >alt.abuse.recovery >alt.abuse.sexual.recovery >and so on. Just do a search.

I *hate* those groups, >I can’t vouch for the groups, but I think you need to talk to people with this >problem, not to people with various forms of mood disorder. Other survivors >will be much better equipped to feel what you’re feeling and to deal with this >crazy, but understandable, guilt. When you shoot someone in the back for fun, >there should be appropriate guilt. When you feel guilty because you were the >person who was shot, that’s crazy guilt.

I have a therapist with who I am working on this issue. Are you saying I shouldn’t talk about sexual abuse here? This is the *only* group I trust. Others have brought it up. If I thought I couldn’t talk about it here, I’d feel a lot worse. <crying hard, feeling like a big ugly boil bringing this up> >It’s quite likely that a fairly large minority of people in ASDR have a hx of >serious abuse, but most have not. Go! Run! Now! You will find your sisters and >brothers in spirit, and they can help you to heal. Spend most of the Usenet >support time there. Don’t waste your energy on us!!

<Crying. Wanting to die.> Those groups do *not* work for me! ASDR people, it’s OK for me to be here, isn’t it? I’ve been trying so hard to be nice, and not be angry and bad and get people pissed off at me. Have I blown it again? Karen — Oh how I wish that I had not been born My dreams are shattered and my heart is torn

Response:

<snip> >ASDR people, it’s OK for me to be here, isn’t it? I’ve been trying so hard >to be nice, and not be angry and bad and get people pissed off at me. Have I >blown it again?

Speaking for myself, of course it’s OK for you to be here. The way I read shisha’s comments was that he or she, I’m sorry, I can’t tell by the name, thought that you might benefit more from a group specifically created for the discussion of sexual abuse issues rather than depression/recovery in general because those groups would have a higher concentration of people who have experienced what you’ve gone through. But if you feel more comfortable here than there, then stay here.  I’m sure people with issues similar to yours will email you with support even if they don’t post it. GreyAdagio (p/e) — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:

Response:

GreyAdagio wrote >Speaking for myself, of course it’s OK for you to be here.

Thanks. >The way I read shisha’s comments was that he or she, I’m sorry, I can’t tell by >the name, thought that you might benefit more from a group specifically created >for the discussion of sexual abuse issues rather than depression/recovery in >general because those groups would have a higher concentration of people who >have experienced what you’ve gone through.

Part of me thought this was likely, but my little child inside was having a fear of rejection episode and needed to vent it. >But if you feel more comfortable here than there, then stay here.  I’m sure >people with issues similar to yours will email you with support even if they >don’t post it.

I think this is how it should be. Karen

Response:

If this is the place you trust, please stay. You can post about sexual abuse or anything else that will help you. Others do bring it up and do get support. Please, remember to use spoilers. Michael, in San Antonio, Texas http://www.intersatx.net/people/what/ – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->I have a therapist with who I am working on this issue. Are you saying I >shouldn’t talk about sexual abuse here? This is the *only* group I trust. >Others have brought it up. If I thought I couldn’t talk about it here, I’d >feel a lot worse.

Response:

> ASDR people, it’s OK for me to be here, isn’t it? I’ve been trying so hard > to be nice, and not be angry and bad and get people pissed off at me. Have I > blown it again?

Of course, Seeker. Shisha just though that you might benefit from the shared experiences in an alt.abuse group, that’s all. If you’ve been to them and hate them, then for goodness sake don’t go back! You haven’t blown it in anyone’s eyes. ((((((((((Seeker)))))))))) Take care, Mary

Response:

Yup, that’s just what I meant. But if you’ve had problems with those or other such groups, some people here may very well have experience with molestation (as victim, perp or therapist). So you can kill two birds with one stone. Shisha – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – "Seeker" > <snip> >ASDR people, it’s OK for me to be here, isn’t it? I’ve been trying so hard >to be nice, and not be angry and bad and get people pissed off at me. Have I >blown it again? > Speaking for myself, of course it’s OK for you to be here. > The way I read shisha’s comments was that he or she, I’m sorry, I can’t tell by > the name, thought that you might benefit more from a group specifically created > for the discussion of sexual abuse issues rather than depression/recovery in > general because those groups would have a higher concentration of people who > have experienced what you’ve gone through. > But if you feel more comfortable here than there, then stay here.  I’m sure > people with issues similar to yours will email you with support even if they > don’t post it. > GreyAdagio > (p/e) > — > For more information about this service, send e-mail to:

Response:

Hexe wrote ><~>Seeker<~>  i was going to ask when you had eaten last or what >you ate but was afraid you’d hit me with a bunch of celery. ‘-)

Hormones more than low blood sugar this time, Hexe. >truth to tell, i saw you were venting and didn’t read any of your >messages.  so no hard feelings.  at times you do tend to tick me >off but i now better understand the cause.  i do read your >messages when you are being your usual sweet self. ‘-)

That’s OK, Hexe. You tick me off a lot, too, but I also enjoy you immensely at times. >you need to do what you need to do, do it.  the rest of us can >ignore you when *we* need to.

Whatever works for you, Hexe. >Hexe, still playing with her food and coffee; i tend to be too >honest when on the short side.  entschuldigung.

You’re excused. Es tut mir leid if *I* got too honest in response to your honesty. Karen — Weeping may endure for a night, But joy cometh in the morning.

Response:

Michael W. wrote >If this is the place you trust, please stay. You can post about sexual >abuse or anything else that will help you. Others do bring it up and >do get support. Please, remember to use spoilers.

I do apologize for not spoilering the original mention of sexual abuse, but only for suicide, but I think I changed it after that and did use spoilers. Karen — Weeping may endure for a night, But joy cometh in the morning.

Response:

Karen, you be where YOU want to be. I for one can understand your feelings and really care about you. I hope you will stay here. I feel this is a good place for you. There are some here who really understand what you have experienced and they will make themselves known to you. Being where you feel most comfortable is very important. Caring and love. Stan. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->You really should spend as much time as possible in the support group(s) > for >abuse, especially sexual abuse: >alt.abuse.recovery >alt.abuse.sexual.recovery >and so on. Just do a search. > I *hate* those groups, >I can’t vouch for the groups, but I think you need to talk to people with > this >problem, not to people with various forms of mood disorder. Other survivors >will be much better equipped to feel what you’re feeling and to deal with > this >crazy, but understandable, guilt. When you shoot someone in the back for > fun, >there should be appropriate guilt. When you feel guilty because you were > the >person who was shot, that’s crazy guilt. > I have a therapist with who I am working on this issue. Are you saying I > shouldn’t talk about sexual abuse here? This is the *only* group I trust. > Others have brought it up. If I thought I couldn’t talk about it here, I’d > feel a lot worse. > <crying hard, feeling like a big ugly boil bringing this up> >It’s quite likely that a fairly large minority of people in ASDR have a hx > of >serious abuse, but most have not. Go! Run! Now! You will find your sisters > and >brothers in spirit, and they can help you to heal. Spend most of the Usenet >support time there. Don’t waste your energy on us!! > <Crying. Wanting to die.> Those groups do *not* work for me! > ASDR people, it’s OK for me to be here, isn’t it? I’ve been trying so hard > to be nice, and not be angry and bad and get people pissed off at me. Have I > blown it again? > Karen > — > Oh how I wish that I had not been born > My dreams are shattered and my heart is torn

Response: