Depression Recovery

Question:

>>So, I finally decided to knock all that >school shit off, and so here I am knowing I’ll wind up a bum, or an bipolar, >hey just because you drop out does not me you are going to be a bum I did the >same thing and because I thought that way I ended up on the streets in Portland >Or. for 3.5 years….it is going to be okay every one says but you know better >because you are the one who has to deal with this crap as with I I have been >dealing with it for 10 years now and I am still here…that is because instead >of taking those danm pills I took myself off from them and am dealing with it >on my own now with my own methods if you would like to know just write me and >tell me

Then you are either not bipolar and got a bad diagnosis, or are just plain stupid.  I am inclined to think you have a had a bad diagnosis. Roy 48 and still bipolar – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Rachel

Response:

>So, I finally decided to knock all that >school shit off, and so here I am knowing I’ll wind up a bum, or an bipolar,

hey just because you drop out does not me you are going to be a bum I did the same thing and because I thought that way I ended up on the streets in Portland Or. for 3.5 years….it is going to be okay every one says but you know better because you are the one who has to deal with this crap as with I I have been dealing with it for 10 years now and I am still here…that is because instead of taking those danm pills I took myself off from them and am dealing with it on my own now with my own methods if you would like to know just write me and tell me Rachel

Response:

Sublimpith I second what Rachel(VMsBlueV) wrote.  I dropped out of one of the top engineering schools in the country.  Went to design school, didn’t get the degree because of one incomplete I never made up.  But at 29 I finally got my computer science degree and a good job.  All somehow without meds, it’s all a blur to me, so much drinking and drugging, no idea how I managed. All the pressure of pulling that off lead me to getting help and luckily I had the insurance in place. I can relate to what you said about wanting to be able to value life when it just doesn’t seem worth it.  It does get better. I also have times when everything seems so clear and then get frustrated when the simples little thing seems impossible. Aurora

Response:

says… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->So, I finally decided to knock all that >school shit off, and so here I am knowing I’ll wind up a bum, or an bipolar, >hey just because you drop out does not me you are going to be a bum I did the >same thing and because I thought that way I ended up on the streets in Portland >Or. for 3.5 years….it is going to be okay every one says but you know better >because you are the one who has to deal with this crap as with I I have been >dealing with it for 10 years now and I am still here…that is because instead >of taking those danm pills I took myself off from them and am dealing with it >on my own now with my own methods if you would like to know just write me and >tell me >Rachel

Rachel I couldn’t agree with you more. Dropping out of school to take care of yourself is perfectly acceptable. What good would it do to try to force yourself to handle courses and bipolar illness at the same time? Any reasonable person would consider it to be self-defeating given aspects of the illness (poor concentration, poor sleep, mania alternating with depression, etc,..). You can always enroll in school later. You are a courageous person trying to deal with an overwhelming situation. Have patience with yourself and take things as they come. You will know when you are ready to resume your studies or a job or other activities. I know that I am a perfectionist and I am harder on myself than other people are on me. I had to let go of that illusion of perfection and self-control and forgive myself for the things I said/did when I was out of control due to my untreated bipolar illness.                                                         Maureen

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Rachel, I don’t think telling anyone to go off their MEDS. is very smart or helpful. For you it worked but it my not for someone else and they could have serious problems doing that. I have been dealing with BP MIX for 23 years and have been through alot & many,many MEDS. & doctors. There are people that go to school for many years (Professsional) that should help deal with this. I don’t know about you but like to sleep at RETTA                                                                                                   DADDY’S GIRL

Response:

> >So, I finally decided to knock all that >school shit off, and so here I am knowing I’ll wind up a bum, or an bipolar, > hey just because you drop out does not me you are going to be a bum I did the > same thing and because I thought that way I ended up on the streets in Portland > Or. for 3.5 years….it is going to be okay every one says but you know better > because you are the one who has to deal with this crap as with I I have been > dealing with it for 10 years now and I am still here…that is because instead > of taking those danm pills I took myself off from them and am dealing with it > on my own now with my own methods if you would like to know just write me and > tell me > Rachel

Just because the pills don’t work for YOU does not mean that anyone having a hard time should just throw their pills away and take the natural approach.  It is a very dangerous thing to do.I have absolutely nothing against natural-herbal remedies, but it does seem that you advocate taking this route over the "pills" or "meds" prescribed by a physician. That’s why I’m writing this, because someone could get seriously hurt by thinking that there is some kind of miracle "drug"- totally natural approach- that could, at a time when a person is particularly vulnerable, even desperate find very inviting. There’s nothing wrong with that, but I think ANY decision regarding taking or stopping any medication prescribed by a physician should be discussed with that person’s own physician at ALL times. And I admit, I take prescription drugs, and some supplements, but my experience with the "natural approach" was not a good one, so no, I don’t think much about that type of choice of treatment.  But that’s me, and I *do* believe some people have positive results with them, but how bad was the disorder in the first place? I’ve just been reading your posts and I think you make sense, but why do I get the feeling that you’re trying to recruit every person you respond to? Just my opinion.  Flamers, go ahead, we all have our way of expressing ourselves, and tonight, this is what I feel.  I’m just sick and tired of all the natural and religious talk going around here lately.  So did you all watch the exclusive Clinton tapes today??  heh. heh. Just kidding.  I watched some though, I have to admit.  No comment on that one. Peace. Ren.  :-)

Response:

             I just wonder when this whole rutien is going to make me snap, and never recover.  There are stories we can all share, I have a few interesting ones myself, but I also have times when I see things so clearly, and yet I am left with no answers.      Like right now,  I know all the problems I have in life, and not just the small petty ones either.  Nope, I am dropping out of school and I know it’s not the "good" thing to be doing.  I do know however that I can’t function in school for many many many reasons.  So, I finally decided to knock all that school shit off, and so here I am knowing I’ll wind up a bum, or an bipolar, border line personality disorder, crazy, alcoholic, SOB who will die young and scared.  Either way it doesn’t look to good.  But I don’t know what to do.     It’s really only a good time for me to do something when I can completly become it, and if I can’t then there’s no way.  right now most everything is "no way".  well, at least a few important things.( like school )  I can be a Honor’s Wiz at school or a paper weight. NEVER in between.  I can be described as anything, but in between.   right now I sorta feel doomed.  I’ll be 17 in 4 days….and that can’t be avoided either.      Doomed doesn’t have to be a bad thing though.  At least I know where I’m headed.  I hate suprises.  and I never really cared for being above sad.  it only left me one place to go, and that’s down. down down dilly down.       funny thing is is that I have always felt sucidal when I feel like shit. ALWAYS.  and now I don’t.  that really throws me off.  I can’t even have an escape.  I got really sick, and then better, and then sick, then better, and it went like that forever.  it’s really getting old.  I need change, but that invokes anxiety. screwed..ain’t it?. I think I’d rather have cancer than BP cause then I think I would find life more valuable , and I can’t do that now even though I’m dieing on the inside.    I just needed type that I guess.  even though it’s a fraction of what’s eating me up.

Response:

Sublimpith; Listen to me–there is hope, there is light at the end of the tunnel.  I know how you feel….I’d much rather be just low, depressed than go and be ‘normal’ for a while and then drop down into depression.  I’ve been that way for 10 years or so. Have you started meds yet?  It sounds like to me that either you’re not stabilized yet, or a med change is necessary.  You’ll go back to school…hell–I’m 32, with 2 children, finally diagnosed with BP in May and finally put on some meds that more or less control my swings and I’m in college to retrain into another field.  I also had to take a medical leave of absence my second quarter because of the new diagnosis, the new meds, and the ultracycling that I was doing at that time.  It’s hell crying one minute, being ‘normal’ the next, crying again, extra energy, wanting to die, etc….I’ve been through it. Take it easy on your self…one day at a time.  There are times I have to move that down to one hour at a time.  What ever that doesn’t kill you makes you stronger…I know that some of what I have gone through would have crushed others.  No joke there…and no bragging. I nearly snapped the last time I was in the pit…before I was diagnosed and put on meds.  Amazing what I feel….but the thought of being there again sends shivers down my spine and I can feel it niggling at the back of my mind again and when things are bad with me…it eats away at me.  But I’m still here.  I still fight it.  Stare the depression in the face and walk right into it like  you’re walking into a storm gale….you might feel like you’re going nowhere fast, but you’ll walk out of it eventually and that much stronger for it. Write me if you need support.  Know that I’m older than you, but I know and recognize the conditions that you feel and all that…. — Jacque Miller ICQ # 10876877 AIM; PowWow; and Ichat – Jymata noli illigitimi carborundum "don’t let the bastards grind you down" – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – >             I just wonder when this whole rutien is going to make me snap, and >never recover.  There are stories we can all share, I have a few interesting >ones myself, but I also have times when I see things so clearly, and yet I am >left with no answers. >     Like right now,  I know all the problems I have in life, and not just the >small petty ones either.  Nope, I am dropping out of school and I know it’s not >the "good" thing to be doing.  I do know however that I can’t function in >school for many many many reasons.  So, I finally decided to knock all that >school shit off, and so here I am knowing I’ll wind up a bum, or an bipolar, >border line personality disorder, crazy, alcoholic, SOB who will die young and >scared.  Either way it doesn’t look to good.  But I don’t know what to do. >  It’s really only a good time for me to do something when I can completly >become it, and if I can’t then there’s no way.  right now most everything is >"no way".  well, at least a few important things.( like school )  I can be a >Honor’s Wiz at school or a paper weight. NEVER in between.  I can be described >as anything, but in between.   right now I sorta feel doomed.  I’ll be 17 in 4 >days….and that can’t be avoided either. >     Doomed doesn’t have to be a bad thing though.  At least I know where I’m >headed.  I hate suprises.  and I never really cared for being above sad. it >only left me one place to go, and that’s down. down down dilly down. >    funny thing is is that I have always felt sucidal when I feel like shit. >ALWAYS.  and now I don’t.  that really throws me off.  I can’t even have an >escape.  I got really sick, and then better, and then sick, then better, and it >went like that forever.  it’s really getting old.  I need change, but that >invokes anxiety. screwed..ain’t it?. >I think I’d rather have cancer than BP cause then I think I would find life >more valuable , and I can’t do that now even though I’m dieing on the inside. >   I just needed type that I guess.  even though it’s a fraction of what’s >eating me up.

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